Chandni Chowk To China To Crashing Way Way Down At The Box Office

I can confidently advise you to not waste your precious time and money (what, with recession and all!) and watch Chandni Chowk To China.I was dragged to watch it like a dead carcass with no feet and half way through I, the dragger, dragged the dragees out of the movie theatre.Akshay Kumar movies are usually known for senseless, yet entertaining banter but this one was just senseless.It was quite clear that the director had no basic plot.It was just a big huge enmeshed blob of confusion.
It had a little bit of Kung Fu Panda and Seeta Aur Geeta. Thats one combo I thought I'd never see!
And whats with Deepika Padukone and signing up for movies only with double roles? She is of mixed parentage in the movie; one, a Chinese mafia type girl, and the other, a ditzy Indian model.What cracked me up(only cause everything else was so lame) was Chinese Deepika's underworld name-Meow Meow.Everytime she came on screen, the sound effects produced a screechy 'Meeeeoowww'.

Akshay Kumar plays a vegetable cutter in Chandni Chowk who is mistaken by very dumb Chinese villagers to be the re-incarnation of their historic warrior.It thus involves the journey of a flabby paratha seller's son who eventually takes revenge by taking down the guy -crime master Hojo (lol) that bullies the villagers and that killed Akshay Kumar's dad and destroyed Deepika's family.Trust me, after all the boredom, you might look forward to the one on one action between the villan and Akshay, but you will be DISAPPOINTED.I'm a huge fan of martial art ass kicking scenes( I'm currently in my second year of Thai Kickboxing) and the scenes in Kung Fu Panda got me more riled up than this movie.Oh! Don't miss out on the super exaggerated cosmos energy move.Thats just dope.Bruce Lee must be spinning in his grave.

Movie Review: Slumdog Millionaire

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

How many times has it been that you've day-dreamed of being a millionaire?

How many times has it been that you've felt things happen because that's how they are supposed to happen in our lives?

How many times has it been that you've felt that things happened around through a stroke of luck?

"Slumdog Millionaire" is one such story. It is the story of how an impoverished Indian teen Jamal Malik became a contestant on the Hindi version of "Who Wants to be A Millionaire?" -- an endeavor made without prize money in mind, rather, an effort to prove his love for his friend Latika, who is an ardent fan of the show.

The beautiful, and at times horrible, twists and turns of Jamal's life which brought him to the hot seat and which inexplicably also helps him win the prize money and find Latika for good, would surely leave bound to your seat for the two hours.

A well paced movie with no meaningless time squandering around that is sometimes on view in movies which have the most innovative of concepts.

Give it a watch. It should be on your list for 2009.

An open letter to the Prime Minister of India.

Dear Prime Minister

 

By now, I am sure you know none of us envy you. Atleast the educated-not-wanting-a-ministerial-chair, sane minded ones amongst us.

 

You indeed are surrounded in some murky environs:

 

Fellow politicians with an expertise in the foot in mouth syndrome to put even good old Dubya and Paris Hilton put together, to shame.

 

A motley crew of alliance members with a 'DEEP' understanding of the current geopolitical and security situation. Incidentally they would all be out of their depth even in a parking lot puddle.

 

You had to give up your best man in the worst financial meltdown thanks to Shivraj Patil finally waking up to the fact that it’s time he put his political chair holding ambitions to sleep.

 

An opposition that beats even Ekta Kapoor’s knack of thriving on human misery to release advertising using terror attacks as a subject (ironically, their reign on the chair wasn’t a bed of roses for the country either).

 

A coast guard system that makes the Indian shores seem like the open gates of Appu Ghar on Children’s Day.

 

A stickler for protocol, neighboring leader of state who actually believes that your external affairs minister called him on the cell phone to make ‘phraindsheep’ with him and then threaten dire consequences unless his demands were met.

 

Laloo Yadav. Maya “bhenji” Wati. Vijay Mallya. Barkha Dutt. And a demanding lady boss.

The list goes on.

 

You really don’t have an easy life, I know. But since you are the leader of the nation, we have no one else to turn to.

 

We do not want a war Mr. Prime Minister. We want peace.

 

We do not want to hurt Pakistan. We want to annihilate extremism. And that does not involve normal citizens of any country. Or any faith.

 

We do not want bravado. We need alertness. Where every time something goes wrong, those who are at fault have more to say than just ‘ooops’.

 

We do not want blame takers and resignations on moral grounds. We want accountability. And some basic testicular fortitude in those who hold offices.

 

We do not want Barkha Dutt. We want news. She alone can give the entire opposition a tough fight for Ekta Kapoor’s throne of the ultimate human misery exploiter. Asking people who have just lost their kin “what are your feelings right now”. And yes, the gem: asking the NSG commander as he is entering the Nariman house amidst heavy firing “what is your strategy”?

 

Barkha-e-Tauba ! I hope the UN puts her on the list as well.

 

We do not need war. No we don’t.

 

For all the people who died in Mumbai on 26/11 and the million others in the acts of terrorism that ravished this land, do not send more Indians to the battlefield.

 

Because then, this will all go on.

 

This is what I suggest you can do:

 

Tighten our borders. If they cannot get in, they cannot cause harm.

 

Pay our security forces better. If they cannot be bribed, they cannot be breached.

 

Be clinical and ruthless with the politicians. You know, I know and we all know who are the ones who need this treatment. (Have Ram Gopal Varma make a new political potboiler – DeshMoorkh. The rest of the star cast is a ready set of asteroids led by R. R. Patil. This set of politicians will go far. The sooner they start, the better.)

 

Implement into law a bill that makes every politician with an ambition to hold office, hold a basic education first. The Prime Minister being educated enough, making up for the entire cabinet and political system doesn’t work.

 

Make public the ‘evidence’ you have. There is little to be gained with secrecy and protocol. As it is, we are on cell phone - first name basis with Zardari. Let the world know who they are, where they are and who shelters them. Remember it is politicians and power brokers who you need to target. Not innocent citizens. If innocent citizens are the collateral damage for our objectives, we are no different from the ones who did 26/11.

 

Be nice to Asif Ali Zardari. It is not his fault that he is brainless, spineless and powerless. Probably you can send Barkha Dutt as your special envoy with all the evidence to convince him if you have to. And threaten to keep her there till they get their act together. Atleast one of the two national issues we face everyday will be surely solved.

 

I have lots more to say, but as I said, I am aware of your tight schedule and tighter leash.

 

I hope these suggestions help. Till you do something about it, all we can do is pray for peace and seek sanity by staying away from NDTV 24x7.

 

 

 

 

I recommend..AmitL

I recommend(For those wanting to come to Dubai for work purposes and to save money as well for your budhaapa(old age)):

   Only accept a job which offers a minimum salary of AED 10000/- (Current conversion: Rs 12.5 or so, fluctuating daily) Anything less than that in these days of high rents and inflation is hara-kiri, unless you want to come at AED 5-6000 and not save anything. Of course, if accommodation is offered by Company, the lesser salary would be all right, but, it usually isn’t, even to the goras/goris. Do not be misled by agents telling you- oh, you’ll get Rs. 50,000/- or some such figure.

Bring a back-up amount of minimum AED 6000/-, if you’re not sure of getting an advance from your company/establishment. This will go in paying room rent(Today, even sharing accommodation by way of bedspace, costs @ AED 1500/- and they ask for 2-3 months in advance), as well as buying the basic necessities of life, including a TV set(@ AED 400) and a CD/DVD player(@ AED 100, cheapest) 

In fact, you might need more than that amount. Rents are expected to fall, but,at present, landlords want 2 rents in advance, and, if through an agent, then, his cut is another 2-4%, depending on demand in the area. 

 If you’re bringing your family in and your company is not sponsoring them(Even if it is, I still recommend this), then, don’t..at least not for the first six months. Settle in, save a bit, and then call them. You won’t know how fast the greenbucks go, when running after mandatory medical examination, residence visa, school admissions(If applicable) and all the related paraphernalia which goes with admission, from uniforms to books to what not.

 Besides this, be ready to shell out @ AED 200(Water and electricity), 89( TV channels), 165(Mobile phone connection)+ talk time which will surely soar in the first few months or even later) 

Once you move into your accommodation, you’ll need to get: The drinking water bottles( They cost 8 dirham for a 20 litre bottle and you need at least 6 per month), the manual/motorized pump to attach to bottles (25/-) or a normal+hot water dispenser(40/- min),   tea kettle (If you’re in a non-cooking sharing accommodation) for boiling water(@ 65/-), mugs, tea bags. Milk of course will be a regular item, too. (1 litre costs AED 5.5/- to 6).

 Food: If you don’t cook or are not allowed to, count @ AED 15 per day for food(If you scrounge, really, and pay just 8 or so, it’s your choice, but, why take chances with your health? 

Don’t fall prey to all that glitters, and, this includes, immediately buying a hi-fi cellphone costing upwards of a 1000 dirhams, to watches to branded clothes, to the best in Reeboks to a Canon digital camera. 

You might also need to buy furniture, from beds-mattresses-pillows to a computer table(Also a computer, of course), a small cupboard or two, et al.

In fact, I don’t recommend buying anything which is not a bare necessity or, alternatively, which you don’t intend to take home. Otherwise, whenever you are returning, you will sell them all at a much lower price.

Also, in these times of recession and pink slips, I really recommend that you first get your confirmation that your visa is under process, and then only quit your job(If it’s existing) in your home country. I’ve heard cases of people who quit their safe job, and, when they were about to come here, they were told to ‘forget it’, as there was a freeze on recruitment.

It's Been A Week Of Tears...(Keshi)

Instead of hatred, darkness and unrest, let there be love, light and peace always. Be the radiance that you want to see in others...it all starts with self.

~~In memory of all the innocents who perished in the last week's senseless Mumbai attacks. May your souls find comfort, rest and peace wherever you are now~~

An update on my life(AmitL)

Hi,all!! Been a mite bugged,literally...first it was the usual cough and cold. Followed by a severe backache(Lumbar sprain is what the doc called it) which didn't allow me to sit for more than 10 minutes at a stretch. But then, sprain is always better than something spinal,right? As always, whatever happens is for the best...so, I got a bit of compulsory rest last Fri-Sat, and, now,things are nearly back to normal. Now, of course, the first day of the sprain makes me LOL- imagine bending down to pick up the paper and then having to get up holding the door frame? So glad it was 5 AM, otherwise any neighbour spotting me would have been embarassing.LOL

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Amongst other updates: The day goes nowadays, hearing about slowed/ stalled projects, people being evicted from banks and real estate companies.(Now, this eviction is pretty harsh- unlike the evictions which took place from the Bigg Boss house in the second season on Colours channel). I heard about a friend's friend- he quit his job in Mumbai, and was packed and ready to move to Dubai when the Bank he was joining called him and said they were not sending his visa, since there was a freeze on recruitments. Another story was about a girl(came in the papers)who quit her job at a telecom company here, and went to a new company- when she reached there on the first day, the HR people told her that her post had been cancelled.Pretty depressing, hearing/reading about such events. Here's praying that these people get a good job,or,their old jobs back. Harsh realities of today! How about you? Did you experience anything of the sort amongst friends/relatives?Everyone's suggestion these days- stick to your current job.Don't think of moving out till the situation improves. (Just like they say'stick to your current flat/room/studio', out here..coz a new place,a new rent would be killing)

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Reminds me of a recession joke. There's this guy who feels nervous these days when a bank returns his cheque citing 'lack of funds' as the reason- he doesn't know whether it refers to his account or to the bank's funds!

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Besides that,not much to update-except that I'm leaving for India tomorrow,for two weeks!!

I Recommend(AmitL)

Hi,all!!I'm sure you all had a Happy Diwali and a Dazzling New Year!!On to the interesting topic of the month: 

I recommend:

- Smiling in the dark when you wake up in the morning.

- Drinking 3-4 glasses of water before brushing your teeth.

- Saying a prayer before distracting your thought processes with TV/radio/newspaper

- Reading at least one positive thought, like' Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use'

-Exercise for 15-20 minutes-be it walking/jogging in place,walking outside,stretching,et al.

- Now,my favourite-have a cup of tea.

- Think about one thing/person you're grateful about, in life.

- At work/office/college/school: If someone's annoying you,think of one good part of their personality.  Your responses to their spoken words will make you the winner.

- After lunch,i.e. the afternoon period,when your efficiency's going down: Think of your motivation for the day/week: Could be something you plan for the evening,or for the weekend. It could be salary day coming up. (Of course,if that doesn't work, a painkiller pill like Combiflam is the last option...at least for me..LOL)

- In the evenings-now,this one's really difficult,unless you're a forced bachelor/ette like me- keep some 'time out' for yourself- for a calming bath/shower or to read a book you've been meaning to since quite some time or to listen to 'Chak De Phatte' kind of songs which can't fail to put your feet in tip-tap motion,to sit in silence for a few minutes.....endless possibilities.

- During anytime of the day,you can also try 'palming'-i.e. covering both eyes with your palms while keeping the eyes open and looking at the endless blackness...does wonders,sometimes,but,only if the mind is not too tense.

- Before going to dreamland and after taking the relaxing bath/shower: Close your eyes/pray and Thank God for letting another day pass by without any major health issues,any major problems,except,of course,for those petty nuisances(Colleagues arguing,kids shouting/fighting,wifey cribbing,friends ignoring....LOL) which,when you think of it, are what really make your life worth living-bringing the variety which adds spice to what would otherwise be a dreary existence!!:)

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Post script::If you can follow even half of the above tips, hats off to you!!I haven't been successful to that level so far(Except for the prayer parts) !!!And,then,again,maybe that's again what brings variety to life-being happy doing some of these things,and,being unhappy because I lost my temper/felt sad,etc!!Life's too precious,after all!