Straight Talk (Ishi)

Okay

Before I start off, a warm hugg for Poo – Congratulations baby :) … You must let me know when D-day is…and plz share pics on email so even I can have a look at *ahem* you know who :P

Now back to BUF…

Reactions were expected. And “No Reaction” was expected too. Personally I want to thank Keshi, Darsh, Amit, Neha, Loony, Poo and Vishesh for being around and for reaching out to me. It helps to get some perspective when one is as disillusioned as I have been…and maybe still am. I know kesh that not replying to your mails or leaving a comment on your post has you disappointed. I can sense it. And I’m sorry but I needed time out to get my thoughts in place. I want to thank others (Uttsy, Raj, Rajiv, Suchi...etc) for the “support” given behind the scenes (not @ BUF but beyond)… and I want to tell others who’ve walked through BUF and chosen to abandon it that now is the time to make a crucial choice – Get back or leave. I do not want to have to make the choice of removing names from the list one by one.

My problem as you all have rightly pointed out lies in giving a lot of importance to people who walked into BUF all gung ho and then took it for granted. I don’t know all of you personally but I do know some better than others so I may have been more agreeable with the reasons some gave and been doubtful about others. But yes, I was hurt more by people who chose to simply walk out of BUF to suit their convenience. I think there has been only one instance where I did not take someone in and another where a rather “disappointing” experience had one of us leave. Others have either left amicably or simply not bothered to let me know why. I can sit and get pathetically blatant but I think everyone knows which category they fall into.

For me it works like people walking into my home, having a good experience and then leaving without even a trace. It’s as bad as that! Agreed there maybe a few who didn't have a good experience with me personally but then again BUF is about everyone in it and not about who gets along with Ishi or not!

I know not everyone will get along with everyone. I had no desire to remain the common link because honestly I am not a “super” personality who had a common connection with everyone. There are some BUFers with whom I have no contact whatsoever. The emphasis has always been in everyone putting in the same effort to get along with all and sundry and to enjoy a common space to write and share views on topics…subjects etc etc.

*specific statements for specific people below - do not generalise them!*

But let me tell you again, we never really feel as hurt as this when its simple acquaintances that walk all over us. It hurts only when its people we think we know well. My mistake coz looks like I never really knew you then.

I don’t understand why there should be any formal talk between friends. I’m not cut out that way. If I think I know u well enough, I’ll take the liberty of picking up the phone and talking to you even if I have nothing specific to talk about. If you did the same to me, I wouldn’t be looking at my watch wondering when you’ll shut up and I can move on!

If you and I were working together in a project and you were someone I called a friend and not a casual acquaintance, I’d expect you to understand my criticism and give it back to me in equal measure and not just clam up and walk away coz you couldn’t handle my criticism or tell me the same!!

Being friends is not about being petty. Being friends is not about meeting occasionally and making merry!

I call that person a friend who can wait for me to come to terms with my disappointments – even if they felt I was making too much of nothing! I call that person a friend who can pick up the phone and simply hear me out.

I call that person a friend who can show me his/her worst side and not think that I’d hold a grudge forever. I call that person a friend who I may meet after ages and yet have a conversation like we were never apart.

Specific references and names will not be taken by me. It’s enough for me and them to know who I mean.

Who wants to abandon a space they gave so much to? I started BUF with no clue as to where we’re gonna go or how we’re going to be even a month later. In that respect, BUF has done great. I’ve always been very sensitive to people’s emotions. I can sense when they’re positive or when they’re negative. Ditto for the blog and I always treated BUF as home. The idea running in my head was like when you walk into a coffee shop and sit down with friends….have a nice conversation …a good time. That’s how I saw BUF.

I think it’s time to “de – clutter” BUF. It’s time to take stock of just who really wants to be in it and say a goodbye to people who cannot give BUF or BUFers time.

Honestly look at the past posts and comments. Where is everybody? And why the hell am I looking for people who really couldn’t care less. I get around a lot of blogs during the day. I spend hours on Orkut and Facebook, I see these “really too busy to get here” people all over the virtual world and they expect me to buy the excuse that they can’t get here? I’m sorry but I’m done being the “all understanding” Ishi. On second thoughts, I’m not sorry at all.

As far as topics is concerned and the great divide I have among BUFers who are still active. There are those who want “topics” to stay and those who want to blog on any “topic”. I of course feel what makes BUF different is the fact that we run “topics”. I know I don’t let “serious” topics in because they raise debates and arguments. Lets face it some of us get very opinionated (Me too). And I’d hate to see a fight break out because we can’t handle other people’s opinions. But then fine, maybe once in a while we’ll run a serious topics too…what’s needed is for people to come up with more suggestions.

I think it would be wonderful if we could share responsibilities on BUF…maybe take turns to run the show? That way I’d get my time out and you guys could work out your ideas?

All this is for the people I know who will be here. And I’d also like the ones who wanna walk away to get here and say so.

I’m done.

For the ones who made me believe in myself…like Keshi said…words cannot define the emotions I’ve felt. You are all very special in thinking beyond yourself.

Lets get some “reactions” so I can make BUF work again.