As Real As It Gets (Ishita)

I was never good at this. I mean at writing on “topics”. I think I am a better writer when I write according to my mood or what’s on my mind right then when I start typing. For me writing has been more or less like therapy and words my closest friend.

But yes I’ve posted on almost all the topics on BUF except the chain story because I may have ideas for a plot or many but I lack the ability to word my stories. And as luck would have it, so far most of the topics have been such that I have done posts on in my personal blogs. So I was pretty much copy pasting :)

Coming to the topic which is on right now, I have to give a fair enough warning that I am writing this out as I am thinking. So do not expect any structured flow of thought.

My journey here in the virtual world started one September afternoon…out of sheer boredom. We didn’t have broadband, so I would log in through dial up to check my precious Yahoo id for mails… from maa, my bro, some occasional mails from friends – no virtual! And I remember R mentioning to me that chatting was a good way to while away time and I was like….how can I simply befriend a stranger with no face and be friends with an id (or as I later discovered “nik”). The idea repelled me. I was a very face to face kind of person…still am.

But I sat there and logged into a site most of us are familiar with….IndiaTimes Chat! I used a nik that I simply put together … the first name a very predictable popular hindi movie character (think one of the biggest hits of 2004) and the last name of my neighbour who happened to walk past my window :P

And I entered into a world of strange faceless identities….words words…flowing fast and furious…emotions spilled through these words…I was caught in this crazy mix of “virtual” people. I sat most of the time staring at conversations, gauging people … sometimes getting a word or two in. But I made no friend as such. I was vary… I was suspicious and most of all I was fascinated. How real are these words? Or the people behind these words? How far could I trust them? How much should I let out…where do I refrain? I used my pseudo for almost a year. I projected the image of “ishita” but the use of an unfamiliar name made me feel secure.

Very few people knew the real me. Those who did I had come to trust over many conversations and heart to hearts.

I began to understand one of the essential things about virtual relationships… you learn to read emotions through words typed across your chat screen. You gauge unspoken feelings…you can even sense a sigh…you can even imagine the chuckle…you can even hear the laughter and see the crinkled eyes behind the rather simple sounding “LOL”

It’s been a long journey and there’s still a long road ahead…

But no journey is smooth sailing. I’ve faced my share of disappointments here. I’ve lost faith in some… I’ve learnt lessons I won’t forget.

If I’ve met people who have made me laugh, be myself and reach out to them…I’ve met people who’ve broken my trust, made me cry and question my beliefs.

There are misfits everywhere. They are there in our so called daily existence and they are here in the virtual world. And in both, they are of no consequence unless we give them undue importance.

What matters most is there are friends here who give me more assurance than most friends I have befriended in the “Real” world”

I’ve learnt through mistakes made, through emotions misplaced…I am not the same woman who sat here three years ago but what I am NOW is largely shaped by my experiences – good and bad – in the Virtual World.

NOPE...There is nothing VIRTUAL here! There’s nothing unreal about this world. It’s as real as it gets.

Yes ME…the “Ishita” who was once petrified by the simple question “ASL please?” … today breezes through the virtual world proud to be ME!

And with BUF we've proved that there's not much of a difference ... if any at all between what's Virtual and what's Real....I'd like to think that here we prove that the virtual complements the real and vice versa...right? :)