The Chef is here. (Mr. J)

1. Take a damn onion. A nice fat round juicy onion. Peel off it's covering. Take a sharp knife and start cutting it. Your tears start flowing, chop them with a vengeance until you have no more tears left.

2. Take one medium sized tomato. If you have a roomie, call them to the kitchen. Throw the tomato at them. If it doesn't give in, then it's just right. Now cut it.

3. You need one vessel that is shallow. Put it on the stove and throw in some oil.

4. Add the chopped onions and stir occasionally. When you get tired and before the onions get burnt, add a teaspoon of ginger & garlic paste or chopped. Stir for some more time.

5. Add the tomatoes and keep stirring, while your mind goes to the pizza hot line which delivers to you in under 30 minutes and you ask yourself what the hell are you doing.

6. Take the chicken piece that you have skinned before. If you haven't, then you're in deep shit. Turn off the stove and start skinning. Once ready, dump it in the cooking pot. Curse yourself for not ordering the pizza.

7. Add 2-3 cups of water. A pinch of salt, red chili powder and set to low flame.

8. Pick up a can of beer or whiskey, go watch TV or do something.

9. When your done with the first round of drinks, head back to the kitchen. If you are not feeling a bit woozy repeat step 8 again. When you are just perfect, add a pinch of salt, some more red chili powder. Look around, see what else you can find. Dump them all in. Curry powder, garam masala, cilantro, pepper.

10. Turn the stove to high flame. Grab another beer or whiskey and go watch TV. When you are done, the meal is ready.

Honestly at that point, you seriously wouldn't be able to tell the difference. You are drunk and you are hungry.

Guten Appetite!!

That is assuming rice or something else is already prepared to go along with the curry. If not, it's time you ordered that pizza.