Dating….A primal practice (Switchblade)

Since most of my esteemed co-bloggers have written volumes on contemporary dating dos and don’ts…I decided to take a different look at the dating scene altogether and postulate the dating habits of Neanderthal man. Not much is known of our supposed ancestors let alone what they did on the special night…hence all the data and ‘facts’ published here are quite open to discussion.




Being a Neanderthal on a date brings in a lot more complexities than one would imagine…

First question that arose was what to wear on that special first date? For them its wasn’t as simple as popping into the nearest mall and picking up a suave ensemble…our ancestors would have to hunt down their evening wear. Luckily they weren’t too spoiled for choices…it was either bear, wolf, or dog. The upper strata of prehistoric society could even indulge in the luxury of saber-tooth and wooly mammoth skins. For underwear, wild cats were usually hunted because of their soft hide that gave just the right amount of comfort and support…. and lets face it…even Neanderthals knew better than to be caught wearing dirty underwear on that special night.

Being presentable to the ladies was also a major concern among prehistoric men. Some learnt the hard way that Eau d’ Skunk wasn’t exactly the best perfume to wear. Most men would rub flowers on themselves to get rid of offensive odors (Showing up on a date with flowers for in your hand finds its origins in this practice).

Asking a girl out wasn’t too hard for them though…it was only a matter of spotting the girl you like and knocking her out with a blunt object. The girl was then dragged to the man’s cave. The few hours of unconsciousness that followed gave the man just enough time to set up the candle-lit dinner table.

Dinner preparations were also quite simple with the more resourceful men using the meat from their recently killed clothes as the main course.

The conversations around the dinner table were sadly quite limited, as the concept of a language itself wasn’t very well developed. Through grunts, groans and gestures the man would try to wow the lady with tales of his hunting exploits.
If the lady was impressed enough then the man would get 'lucky' and would have himself a girlfriend. Subsequent dates would not involve as much preparation or the use of blunt objects.

If however the man were to fail, it would mean a few more days before he’d have another passed out dame in his cave with a big leg of boar roasting over an open flame.

Its only through these primitive practices that us contemporary men have come to perfect the art of dating over the years. Herein ends this brief peek into the dating lives of our Neanderthal ancestors.