Of addictions and changes... (Ishita)

For me both topics are related. As of now my current addiction is blogging. Quite obvious from the sheer number of blogs I have. But before I make a mention of how blogging has changed my life, I must mention that I have another strong addiction and that is music and dance. Not any particular genre of music. Anything that appeals to me :) and dance would be the same. I would love to formally learn a dance form and maybe I will in time. So far doing the Shiamak classes last year was thoroughly enjoyable :)

Blogging to me, as Keshi mentioned in her last post here, is all about expressing myself. I've never had a dearth of friends around me. Making friends in diverse age groups, places, etc came naturally to me. Blogging was firstly to express myself and the friends made via blogging was a pleasant addition. Ever since I quit work after Vedant was born, I found myself with less time to go out and socialize. I was quite fine with being home and spending all my time with Vedant. But once he started school, I was left with time in hand and that's when blogging happened...not suddenly but gradually. I wasn't too confident of what I wrote so sharing it in a public forum kind of scared me.

Initial comments on my posts gave me such a rush and for roughly a year I was caught up in the whole blog hopping/comment leaving spree. In time, blogger friends became real...no longer virtual. In time my fascination for writing for an audience waned. My posts became more personal. I moved to a pvt. blog because I didn't think personal expressions should be out in the open for the world at large. That is my personal opinion which others may not necessarily agree with.

If I've met some wonderful people here and made some friends to cherish for a lifetime, I've also come across people who've been totally opinionated and ready to drag people down. Virtual life is much the same as our day to day existence...you win some and you lose some!

I can blog about anything and everything and I do. I didn't think I did a good job with poems or fiction but I tried my hand at those too. I still don't know if friends are being kind when they appreciate all that but once in a while when a total stranger comes and leaves a comment appreciating what I write... it does brighten up my day. Ironic isn't it? That I have more people interested in my personal jottings rather than my creative works :) ... I guess people find the whole process of knowing someone through their daily musings, a lot more fascinating...I know I do for sure :)

Blogging has made a huge difference in my life...the change is not only in the way I express myself but in the way I relate to people around me. I could share a lot of joy and fun times with everyone but I kept a lot of pain and hurt away. Blogging helped me rid some of that fear of sharing pain. Not totally but I can get myself to trust some to have the ability to understand me.

Most importantly, Blogging at BUF has taught me lot! A whole lot of good and a smattering of bad :) ... and even in the bad, there was a lot of learning to take away. The most important thing I learnt was "acceptance" - of others, of my faults and of varied opinions. And another thing I have learnt is - sometimes reacting instantaneously in a disagreement gets us to a point of no return. It gets really late to go back and undo any damage that's done! So I try now to wait till the anger ebbs before stating my point :) and oh yes, funny thing is I didn't lose it (my temper) as much before blogging :D... talk about getting expressive!