Virtual Relationships (Suchi)

Hi people!!! It has really been long since I last blogged. However, visiting BUF is like visiting another relative of Ishi :), this is like her work place. There isn’t just couple of topics that I have missed here, I have not written on most. So I finally decided to write…… about something that is very close to my heart – VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIPS.

I have shared virtual relationships with people since possibly 1998 or earlier even. Made many good friends even from the singles/ match making sites. I have known some wonderful people even from the blog world. It would be very unfair on my part to name a few and not mention the others who have stood by me in all my odds for so many years or those who have given me reasons to smile. I have been in love also through the internet :D.

Therefore, I would be writing about the lessons that I have learnt from virtual relationships. Lessons that scare hurt and make me smile as well.

The biggest drawback of a virtual relationship or friendship is that we cannot see the person, no matter how many times a day we talk or exchange the emails etc., the basic fact of knowing someone is so incomplete without seeing and spending time with each other. These are behavioral requirements of any friendship. It is also about the vibe that we get from people which keeps us going in any relationship. Moreover, this vibe comes only when we meet people. In many virtual relationships, as my personal experience says, friendship falls apart within a few weeks like a pack of cards. All those months of smiles, giggles and calling one another, vows of everlasting friendships, etc. etc. goes down the memory lane.

Many a time people take us for a complete ride and especially when we start falling for someone we have never met or just met once or so, of course through the virtual world. Do we actually know and realize that we are being taken for a ride? It is so darn easy to cheat on the people in the virtual world.

I am sure most of you would relate to things I have said like “been there, done that” and would still go on making friends in the virtual world. :) So will I! We do not stop living when there is a catastrophe then why should we stop loving? :)

New Topic (Ishita)

This will be short and quick. More or less an update on what’s going on with me with respect to BUF.

I’ve heard from you (some not all but that’s ok) since the last post. I know one thing that setting up something that will appeal to everyone is next to impossible but the idea is to make it as acceptable as possible.

The first thing is, the basic essence of BUF is that it’s not a free for all group blog. It runs on the idea that people blog on something specific for a specific time period. I can’t generalize it and make it free from topics, then it would be “just another blog”. But yes, more flexibility is doable.

Secondly, there has to be a limit to the no. of posts per day – 1 to 4 should be fine – too much of it can clutter the space. And one post per BUFer for a topic too is fine or max two if there’s scope for more to be expressed regarding any topic.

I have some ideas in my head but since I have to get back on track, I’ll be slow with things here. Plus I want to settle everything before I go off on my vacation in Nov. Time is short and the festival season is slowing me down here.

In all this debating and talking through, I forgot to update stuff in the template. Plus not having Abhi/Sam with me in admin or any technically sound person is a severe handicap. But I’ll work out something. So basically it’s time for less talk and more work for me!

FYI, I will shoot a mail to the “still missing” people and I guess we’ll be a smaller group but hopefully a more focused and dedicated group of Blogger friends. I’d also welcome mails from those of you who can help manage BUF while I run off next month for my long awaited trip. I’ll need two people to coordinate – thanks :)

Now till such time I don’t get it all settled, I’d like to suggest a topic idea.

We run a word every week and you get to write a topic related to the word – any context, how you interpret it is your look out – be creative or funny or serious or miserable or happy …. Just write ppl !

And let’s limit it to two posts per BUFer for the coming week. I mean max two. If there’s just one from you, that’s fine too.

The word for the week starting Friday (5th October today) to next Friday (12th October) is –

“Fresh” (now use your imagination with this one :P)

Ps: I have a post sent in by Suchi that I will put up later in the afternoon. Please start this topic later in the evening so I have time to put hers up….Thanks.

The Great Extinction (Keshi)

(This was an old post from my personal blog...I just felt like putting it up here so people can laugh a little...just like how Poo thinks we should smile often...so enjoy guys!)

Genre: Humor (so chillax).

Ladies and (sometimes-not-so) Gentlemen, it seems like my love-life is in extinction. Therefore do I even have to tell you about my rather invisible sex-life? It's as dead as the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Precious fossils of it can be found in my mental museum. Well I'm not complaining cos I think this is how it was all laid out for me by the old man upstairs - maybe He knew where it would have taken me and slowed the pace after a few demented Dinosaurs. Just like wildlife protection is necesssary, Keshi's love-life protection is indeed required but it has no funds or organisations around it. No one seems to be even thinking it's an endangered species - most of them see it as a nutty species that need to be left alone. Anyways as endangered as I may feel, I also feel a great sense of relief that my love-life is near-death. Cos it lets me look around without bias and selfishness. I don't mean that people who have a love-life are selfish, but having a love-life in full swing sometimes makes you blind to other areas in life. Been there done that, so I'm talking about me, not you. Well the number of BFs I have had in the past (according to my love-life stats) is quite a healthy number and although that number is dwindling right now resembling the white Rhinoceros' count, I don't think my love-life needs to be secured in a sanctuary somewhere in Africa! Sometimes I do feel like I'm a rare species that's being oohed and ahhed at by a group of people on a safari. Anyways why do I think my love-life is in extinction? Well this is why:

**Potential partners only exist in the past/movies/blogs and is as rare as spotting a Giant Panda on any Tuesday
**Everytime my Blue-bellied Parrot of a love-life gets lucky, there's always a habitat killer
**When I do find a great guy, in the end it turns out to be that he was just hunting for my 'tusks' - leaves me feeling like an African Elephant
**When things get serious in my love-life, the very next day it mocks back at me like a Hybrid Spider Monkey and asks me to get real
**Each time I try to recall my last romantic encounter, I laugh like a Gorilla - not cos it's funny but cos the 'last time' seems like it was 100yrs ago
**Old aunts remind me that I'm running around without a man for some time now and that it's really uncommon in our family as much as the Red Wolf is in the world
**I'm receiving alot of wedding invitations these days (most of the brides are younger than me) and usually I end up being the only Snow Leopard at these weddings
**My mum says I'd be married to my car and closet forever, and each time she says that I disappear in a dash like the Pygmy Possum
**A friend brings a marriage proposal (for the 1st and the last time) and when I meet him he turns out to be a hairy-nosed Wombat - yes rare but wouldn't mind his extinction

**The opposite sex who is the responsible care-taker of my love-life seems to be pouncing away from me like a Sumatran Tiger that's being hunted for skin
**A great catch is as rare as a Silver Shark is and it seems such guys see me as a common over-populated kind of shark

**I feel as blue as the Blue Whale when I go to parties and see couples hugging and kissing that makes me wonder if I'm the only Brontosaurus left on Earth

**Mistletoe seems like some long-lost memory of a Short-tailed Chinchilla

**Going back to memories of past BFs and relationships makes me feel like I'm walking in Jurassic Park
**However, to me marriage sounds like a Californian Condor out to get it's prey so its really ok guys, I'm cool, don't shower me with sympathies now pleeeeeease ;-)

Time to smile (Puja) ;))

When all the world looks gloomy and you seem to be filled with sadness n sorrows, it is only one's smile that lights up the ambience for you(Accha theeK hai even Hug). When we smile, (Dil se) our inner joy is first reflected in our eyes and u glow with love.( Not like ooh ouch types) Pyaari smile do yaar.

People have thousands of reasons to smile. Some smile in joy, some smile in amusement, some in victory (ok I am smiling because I am getting married) ;) Think of some childish pleasures – hmmm like like jaise !!! kuch dimag mein nahi aaya …AAp log batao?

In today's world a smile has become a rare expression. Work pressure and tensions of all sorts, studies, family pbms, we have forgotten how to smile….. Arre yaar mujhe bhi bahut bahut bahut tension hai ufff Don’t ask me !!! But I still smile, That’s life now come On smile( Ok I can see Keshi , Ishi, Amit and and the Unknown Guest smiling) Good aache bacchein ho.

A smile can always win us friends. Yes even some times bad ppl. So better be carefull. Pyaari Smile matlab. Sweet ok!!

Ok Now something very serious - Most often, in an bad, fights, impulsive moment, we tend to speak bitterly, (everybody friends, mom, dad, kids. husband) little realising how painful and hurting it can be to others. Only in a moment of careful thought, we realise the sharpness of those words. But by then little can be done to change it. It is with a word as with an arrow - once let it loose and it does not return.

Words have immense power. The reason of sharp words is so strong that nothing can mend the damage caused by the bitter words. (If you have fought with someone Just Smile and Hug) ok this is only with Good, Close friends, family Not all ;)

Please Smile ;) Have a Rocking Friday and wonderful weekend.

PS: Sorry I am not able to comment. I wanted to post something. Love you all. Love you Sexyroo.

Blooks: AmitL

Hi,BUFers. A slightly different topic, but, I'm sure all of you will love to read it:

This was some news I just had to share with fellow/fellowine(feline?grin!) BUFers. It’s from an article I read in a local magazine, about the first ‘blook’ ever. Some of you might be knowing about it already, I'm sure.( I love the title- can relate it so nicely to BUF. )

They titled the article ‘mind blogging’ and very rightly so. Perhaps we bloggers should also, collectively put together an epic kind of work like this someday. (For eg. A book on essays on some of our topics- memorable train journey, etc), or, ‘human nature and bonding’, etc.*looks towards Ishi for ideas*

About the blook: 103 bloggers from 24 US states, and 10 from across the globe, created publishing history with a ‘blook’.Yes, there is an Indian whiz kid involved, too, from Oman- Arun Rajagopal.

The book is titled ‘The Age of Conversation’, and has been compiled based on inputs from all these people, and is co-authored by Drew Mclellan from US and Gavin Heaton from Sydney, Australia(Yaaay goes Keshi.grin), both of whom had never met. The post calling for authors was on March 22, 2007 and the book was launched on July 16, 2007. (Fantastic, isn’t it?)

Each author contributed a one-page chapter worth their marketing-communications expertise to help create better conversation among brands, marketers and consumers. The mix of writers- from marketing gurus to social media experts and from ad professionsal to T-shirt freaks.

The blook is about how various marketing disciplines such as advertising, digital, PR and journalism have to change the way they talk to their consumers to be heard. IT emphasizes that the most important part in a conversation is listening.(Ahem!)

Some conclusions in the article:

Blogging takes on a new avatar as a tool for dissemination of information.

Any company that ignores the blogosphere is telling it’s consumers that they don’t really care to listen.

Anyone with internet access can now reach an audience.

Over the next few years, we’ll see the blogosphere become more mainstream.

Whether the Age of Conversation has opened up a veritable can of worns or a cornucopia is yet to be seen.

The blogs of these two authors: (I can’t get to either of them .The connection times out):

http://drewsmarketingminute.com

http://servantofchaos.typepad.com

The website of the book:

http://ageofconversation.com

A point to note: The book is being sold, and the proceeds will go to Variety the Children's Charity , which is dedicated to promoting and protecting the health and well-being of children around the world.Variety reaches into communities across the globe to offer financial assistance and services to children and organizations that serve children with special needs. Variety strives to make a lasting difference in the lives of children, their families, our communities, and the world...one need at a time.

What do you say, BUFers? Interested in planning a blook, one of these days?

Straight Talk (Ishi)

Okay

Before I start off, a warm hugg for Poo – Congratulations baby :) … You must let me know when D-day is…and plz share pics on email so even I can have a look at *ahem* you know who :P

Now back to BUF…

Reactions were expected. And “No Reaction” was expected too. Personally I want to thank Keshi, Darsh, Amit, Neha, Loony, Poo and Vishesh for being around and for reaching out to me. It helps to get some perspective when one is as disillusioned as I have been…and maybe still am. I know kesh that not replying to your mails or leaving a comment on your post has you disappointed. I can sense it. And I’m sorry but I needed time out to get my thoughts in place. I want to thank others (Uttsy, Raj, Rajiv, Suchi...etc) for the “support” given behind the scenes (not @ BUF but beyond)… and I want to tell others who’ve walked through BUF and chosen to abandon it that now is the time to make a crucial choice – Get back or leave. I do not want to have to make the choice of removing names from the list one by one.

My problem as you all have rightly pointed out lies in giving a lot of importance to people who walked into BUF all gung ho and then took it for granted. I don’t know all of you personally but I do know some better than others so I may have been more agreeable with the reasons some gave and been doubtful about others. But yes, I was hurt more by people who chose to simply walk out of BUF to suit their convenience. I think there has been only one instance where I did not take someone in and another where a rather “disappointing” experience had one of us leave. Others have either left amicably or simply not bothered to let me know why. I can sit and get pathetically blatant but I think everyone knows which category they fall into.

For me it works like people walking into my home, having a good experience and then leaving without even a trace. It’s as bad as that! Agreed there maybe a few who didn't have a good experience with me personally but then again BUF is about everyone in it and not about who gets along with Ishi or not!

I know not everyone will get along with everyone. I had no desire to remain the common link because honestly I am not a “super” personality who had a common connection with everyone. There are some BUFers with whom I have no contact whatsoever. The emphasis has always been in everyone putting in the same effort to get along with all and sundry and to enjoy a common space to write and share views on topics…subjects etc etc.

*specific statements for specific people below - do not generalise them!*

But let me tell you again, we never really feel as hurt as this when its simple acquaintances that walk all over us. It hurts only when its people we think we know well. My mistake coz looks like I never really knew you then.

I don’t understand why there should be any formal talk between friends. I’m not cut out that way. If I think I know u well enough, I’ll take the liberty of picking up the phone and talking to you even if I have nothing specific to talk about. If you did the same to me, I wouldn’t be looking at my watch wondering when you’ll shut up and I can move on!

If you and I were working together in a project and you were someone I called a friend and not a casual acquaintance, I’d expect you to understand my criticism and give it back to me in equal measure and not just clam up and walk away coz you couldn’t handle my criticism or tell me the same!!

Being friends is not about being petty. Being friends is not about meeting occasionally and making merry!

I call that person a friend who can wait for me to come to terms with my disappointments – even if they felt I was making too much of nothing! I call that person a friend who can pick up the phone and simply hear me out.

I call that person a friend who can show me his/her worst side and not think that I’d hold a grudge forever. I call that person a friend who I may meet after ages and yet have a conversation like we were never apart.

Specific references and names will not be taken by me. It’s enough for me and them to know who I mean.

Who wants to abandon a space they gave so much to? I started BUF with no clue as to where we’re gonna go or how we’re going to be even a month later. In that respect, BUF has done great. I’ve always been very sensitive to people’s emotions. I can sense when they’re positive or when they’re negative. Ditto for the blog and I always treated BUF as home. The idea running in my head was like when you walk into a coffee shop and sit down with friends….have a nice conversation …a good time. That’s how I saw BUF.

I think it’s time to “de – clutter” BUF. It’s time to take stock of just who really wants to be in it and say a goodbye to people who cannot give BUF or BUFers time.

Honestly look at the past posts and comments. Where is everybody? And why the hell am I looking for people who really couldn’t care less. I get around a lot of blogs during the day. I spend hours on Orkut and Facebook, I see these “really too busy to get here” people all over the virtual world and they expect me to buy the excuse that they can’t get here? I’m sorry but I’m done being the “all understanding” Ishi. On second thoughts, I’m not sorry at all.

As far as topics is concerned and the great divide I have among BUFers who are still active. There are those who want “topics” to stay and those who want to blog on any “topic”. I of course feel what makes BUF different is the fact that we run “topics”. I know I don’t let “serious” topics in because they raise debates and arguments. Lets face it some of us get very opinionated (Me too). And I’d hate to see a fight break out because we can’t handle other people’s opinions. But then fine, maybe once in a while we’ll run a serious topics too…what’s needed is for people to come up with more suggestions.

I think it would be wonderful if we could share responsibilities on BUF…maybe take turns to run the show? That way I’d get my time out and you guys could work out your ideas?

All this is for the people I know who will be here. And I’d also like the ones who wanna walk away to get here and say so.

I’m done.

For the ones who made me believe in myself…like Keshi said…words cannot define the emotions I’ve felt. You are all very special in thinking beyond yourself.

Lets get some “reactions” so I can make BUF work again.

Words Are Not Enough (Keshi)

I wanted to write something about the recent happenings in BUF. As an emotionally involved member of BUF, I think I have a right to say something here regarding the 'neglect' of BUF from some members. I don't mean to force them to be here all the time, but if you commit to something and become a member, perhaps you need to contribute to the life of this blog more than you think you should. You can't be a member and not come around to this blog in 3months, then suddenly come back and expect to be treated like you're part of it all. I can understand Ishi's frustration...it's like she's running the whole show alone (when she's also a wife and a mother), when everyone else is having fun at her expense. I don't know, that's how I feel about it. We all expect her to put up Updates, Bday/anniversary dedications, Topic info etc etc and all we do is come here every now and then (whenever we want to) and then disappear for another few weeks or so. Is that fair? I think not. While I know everyone is busy and we all have our own problems to deal with etc, it's not all that hard to come around to BUF and contribute, especially if you wanted to be a member here in the first place, isn't it? So, apart from just participating in weekly posts, it would be great if members can try and make an effort to keep this place alive...perhaps by visiting it every now and then, reading the updates and contributing to this space with ideas, keeping connections through the SB, perhaps helping out with the ADMIN tasks etc etc. If not, it's best not to be a member...just be a guest. I may sound rude but it's the truth, isn't it? And this advice is not just for you, it goes for me too.

Whatever said and done, I know that Ishi's departure from BUF is like losing the root of it all. It's really sad and I really don't want Ishi to leave...not cos I want her to do all the work here, but she being the founder of this great place and knowing that she's not going to be here anymore, makes me feel like I'm lost. I mean it's not even a year since BUF was born and her mum is already leaving? :*( Ishi that really makes us all feel deserted and left out in the rain. Remember few months ago, when I was upset and wanted to leave BUF for a while, you asked me to take my own time and come back...that you'd still be here? Now that's not gonna be true right? Cos you said you're leaving already and that there'll be no ADMIN hereafter, no topics, that people can post whatever they want etc etc. That kind of made me feel that you don't seem to treasure BUF anymore...that you have lost interest all of a sudden. How come Ish? This is a place you started with alot of LOVE and DEDICATION...so I really don't understand why you want to let go of that very connection you created, and this soon too? Anyways, you're free to do what you like...I'm only asking these questions cos I care and I want to know why. I sincerely hope you'd still be a big part of this place and that you'd continue to keep this place alive, as much as you can. Thanks for all the great work you did here all these months and HUGGGGGGGGGZ!

The title reads Words Are Not Enough. That goes to all of us BUFers. If we make a promise, a connection and a pledge to doing something, then it should be DONE, not just SAID. And trust me, I'm not a jobless person either..I have alot of work, an exam to study for, visitors at home, my own blog to run, my various other probs etc etc, but I truly care about BUF, because when I became a member, I made a promise to be a part of it...so I'm sticking by that, hence this post amidst my chaotic schedule. You are all most welcome to comment on what I said here...THANKS guys!